Huh??

For the second year in a row, we hosted the "pre-State Spaghetti dinner" at our house. It is a chance for the girls to have fun together as well as eat a lot of carbs.

My blog isn't to tell about the party, but rather some insight I had this week. 
To make a long story short, E1 was rather dismayed by my preparations for her party.  I'm not trying to embarrass her by telling this.... I am just trying to explain.    She thought the matching tablecloth, fish mobile, tulle chair bows, and party favor gift boxes with tagged candy "i.e. Our team is "RED HOT" and "Nothing FISHY about it.... you'll do great!" was a little "much".  She had some comments like, "our house is too clean" and "no one else has parties like this" and "BALLOONS? You are kidding right?". The comment that made me think was when she asked (in tears), "Why do you have to be over the top in everything????".

I can honestly say her comments did not hurt my feelings.  I mean, this is the same girl that was embarrassed one summer when her friends were over playing night games and I offered the obviously thirsty teens ice water with (GASP!!) lemon slices in it.   

I can also honestly say I appreciate her sharing her feelings. I would guess she sometimes doesn't want to share concerns with me because when I don't take them seriously, I tease her about them later (case in point... for every get together with friends she has had since that summer evening I ALWAYS make sure I add lemons to the water... just to get her goat).  Luckily she has seems to understand that I don't want her to take herself TOO seriously.

I admit I was a little surprised by her comment as I really didn't think the party preperations were "too much".      AT.ALL.  I mean there was not a single bit of glitter and I did not bring in a hot tub OR hire a masseuse to give them all personal massages to get their muscles loose and ready (HA!).    I genuinely just wanted things to be nice for her.  And while I enjoyed doing it for her, it was also fun for ME.   And that is when I had my insight.

I think that each of us are unique. We each have some deep inner characteristics that make us individuals.  Traits that make me different than you.   I would say this is individuality at a level so deep it is cellular, but really I believe it is the personality of our souls.   And I also believe that finding ways to express the essence of who we are brings a lot of personal satisfaction.   I have found that when I am feeling overwhelmed with the mundane, it is usually because I have not found a way to make my mark.  I feel lost.  Tired.   Unfulfilled.

So Pepper, let your mom have her fun.  I'm just making myself happy :).