Huh??

I am realizing that I am entering a new period of my life.

Ashlee and I were talking last night about the limbo we have both been in..... we have mostly achieved the goals we had set for ourselves in our twenties, and are left wondering, "What now?".

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for what I have. I knew I wanted an education. A career. A family. A house. A soul mate. These things have come into my life with such grace that I sometimes feel guilty. I find myself looking over my shoulder... waiting for the other proverbial foot to fall. How can one little person be given the chance to experience so much joy?

So recently I've been pondering if I should be setting NEW goals for myself. You know, making a plan for the next 30 years or so. But to be honest, I can't seem to think of anything. I am not only content with my current life, but the years have also made me a little more realistic. I realize now that I probably never will be mayor. I will never write the great American novel. I will not save the environment. But I really am okay with that.

For one thing, I don't care about a lot of the things I used to care about. I find it hard to invest any kind of emotional energy into people or things that will not give me a return on my investment. I figure that the people who really love me will take me as I am. And I need to offer the same in return.

I also find it a little harder to get nervous about things... I guess I have figured out that the world is going to throw things at me whether I want it to or not...and that it is all going to turn out like it was supposed to all along. All I can do is enjoy the ride and the people I'm riding with.

I can't find enthusiasm in achieving things like money and fame when I see greatness in the way the people around me live their lives. I love this quote by Lisa Kogan, "We juggle jobs, mortgages, student loans, and cancer treatments with low-fat diets, low-impact aerobics, low-grade depressions, a strong sense of irony and a dark sense of humor. Despite (or pehaps because of) all the coulda, woulda, shoulda moments that have come and gone, we've learned how to have a good laugh, an impromptu party, and an impure thought(or two) on a semiregular basis. We consider our options, our alternatives, our exit strategies. We take notes, we plan ahead, but we always leave room for serendipity. We are an entire generation of women who are making up our lives as we go along."

So my conclusion is that I just won't worry about my lack of goals right now. It's okay. I will just make it up as I go along. And I will be happy.